Geostorm(GEOSTOOOOOOORM) is one of the great dumb movies of the 2010s—maybe THE great dumb movie of the 2010s—but if you’ve ever said to yourself, “What I’d REALLY like isGeostormbut with a hot lady,” then boy, have I got the movie for you. Halle Berry is set to star inMoonfall, the latest film from Roland Emmerich, which is about the moon falling into Earth. Yes, that’s right, what this movie presupposes is “what ifArmageddon, but with the MOON”. People sometimes ask why Roland Emmerich, who hasn’t had a hit since 2009’s2012, gets to keep making movies, and it is because he will inevitably come up with a golden pitch like this, something so stunningly stupid and yet potentially awesome you HAVE to back the movie just to see how it turns out. I’m sure the pitch forIndependence Daywas completely mad. There’s no way to make that movie sound like anything other than total mayhem. But it’s great! That sh-t holds up. So when you hear a mad Emmerich pitch now, you have to ask yourself, what if it IS the nextIndependence Day?
The part of me that loves asteroid movies has absolutely zero questions aboutMoonfalland will be there opening day—which is projected to be in 2021, but that depends on production resuming later this year, which is still a giant question mark over the whole industry—popcorn in hand, ready to be entertained. But the part of me that wanted to be a scientist since I was six years old has one (1) question:
Why does anyone need to discover that the moon has fallen?
Moonfallwill also star Josh Gad as a scientist who discovers that the moon has fallen out of orbit. But wouldn’t that be immediately apparent to EVERYONE? Just based on, like, the tide? If the moon fell off its rotational axis, it would probably be immediately apparent based on the crazy tides. A supermoon causes warnings to be issued in tidal areas because even the moon just chilling in its normal orbit can cause an extreme rise in tides during its perigee. If the moon fell out of orbit even just a little bit, we’d probably know within hours based on insane tides. I don’t know why this movie needs Josh Gad, in general, and I don’t know why it needs Josh Gad to play a scientist who discovers the moon is out of orbit, specifically, because I feel like one scene of local fisherman being like, “Whoa, crazy tide!” would accomplish the same thing. Aside from that, though, I am totally here forMoonfall. I hope it’s the stupidest movie of 2021.
